


Only In Texas

by karavan



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Coercion, Cybersex, Dubious Consent, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Gay Panic, Guilt, Heartbreak, Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, Jealousy, John Egbert Being an Asshole, Karkat Vantas (mentioned) - Freeform, M/M, Objectification, Pesterlog(s) (Homestuck), Possessive Behavior, Rejection, Sadstuck, Secret Relationship, Sexual Content, Shame, Slut Shaming, Threats, Toxic Relationships, Unrequited
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-07
Updated: 2019-05-17
Packaged: 2020-02-27 16:23:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,132
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18742684
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/karavan/pseuds/karavan
Summary: Dave and John have an honest conversation about what went down in Texas. A series of chatlogs.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Please read the tags. 
> 
> Just a heads up that John is pretty douchey here and if you object to that at all, this is probably not the fic for you.

\-- ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] --

EB: hi dave!

EB: so uh, before you say anything i just wanted to tell you that i'm really sorry i haven’t been around much lately. things have been hectic here and kind of weird and i guess i just needed some time to put my head back together after texas.

TG: nah man its cool

TG: thanks for lettin me sweat it out for three weeks though

TG: not like i assumed you tapped it and gapped it or anything

EB: huh?

TG: you know

TG: hit it and quit it

TG: humped and dumped

TG: the ole smash and dash

TG: nailed and bailed

TG: jizzed and whizzed

TG: rocked my box then changed the locks

EB: ok dave, i think i get the picture!

EB: and no, it isn’t like that, alright?

TG: whats it like then

EB: it’s complicated?

TG: oh good so were not messing around here huh were just going straight for the its complicated

TG: cool but before you decide its time to let me down easy or give me whatever douchey speech you’ve been practising im just gonna lay it all on you ok

TG: so

TG: this is the part where i say hey john i actually really like you

TG: and not just in the youre my best bro so im always vibin with you kinda way

TG: i mean in the i wanna actually see you and be with you and mack on you all day every day kinda way

TG: like for real

TG: and at this point i sorta just need to know if you feel the same way

TG: cause i miss you like hell dude

EB: ...

EB: dave. i thought i was clear about this throughout the whole thing, but...i’m not actually a homosexual!

TG: ...

TG: ouch

TG: but i mean yeah for sure cool cool cool yup not a homosexual at all says the dude who just a couple weeks back had his dick all up in my butthole

EB: can you be serious for just a minute? please?

TG: i thought i was being serious

EB: ok. so i know i must look like the world’s biggest dickbag to you right now.

TG: yeah kinda

EB: and i’m sorry but when i came to visit you in texas i guess i just got carried away or something. because i wasn’t thinking clearly and i kept getting the sense you just really, really wanted something to happen between us.

EB: and then it did.

EB: and it felt good at the time but i mean...the longer i think about it the weirder it gets and i just feel super wrong about how it all went down. like i maybe did something bad to you.

EB: and i’m so sorry if any of what happened between us looked like something else to you, because it just isn't like that for me. so i'm sorry. again.

TG: well i mean yeah what it looked like is that you were kinda obsessed with my asshole

TG: enough to wanna stick your dick and your fingers and some other shit we wont mention right into it multiple times

TG: but i guess you meant all that in a purely heterosexual manner huh

EB: uh yeah. pretty much.

TG: wow ok not even gonna touch that one yet but while were on the subject of how shit looks to me

TG: how was it meant to look when you were doing shit like holding my hand every time we left the apartment or kissing all up on me at kemah like you didnt give a damn who was watching

TG: cause not for nothing but that kinda looked like something

EB: that was in texas!

TG: it was indeed in texas

EB: look, it’s just...i don’t know anyone there! i mean, it’s not like i had to take any of it back to washington with me. it would’ve been different if you’d come to visit ME and we were surrounded by people me and my dad know and have to see on a daily basis! does that make sense??

TG: actually yeah john so many things are starting to make real good sense right about now i gotta tell ya

TG: cause i was just some fun little detour for you right

TG: a curiosity

TG: something to pass the time until you got back to washington and remembered you were asterisk straight

EB: it sounds really bad when you say it like that!

TG: yeah no shit

EB: but honestly? that pretty much nails it, dave.

EB: for whatever it’s worth to you, i don’t regret it?

TG: which part like coming to visit or stealing my virtue you soulless sex crazed monster

EB: all of it! i don’t regret making love to you, because even if it was kind of weird you’re still my best bro. and...did i?

TG: ok first of all never use the phrase making love around me ever again because fucking gross and that is not how id describe whatever the hell you were doing and second of all yeah

TG: i thought you knew that

EB: i didn’t.

EB: i kind of just assumed you had some experience because you were so...

TG: i was so what

TG: go on lets hear it

EB: alright. i guess we’re really going there since you’re pushing it, but i don’t know ok? hot. desperate. needy for it? i got the impression you must do stuff like that with a lot of boys.

TG: do stuff like what get assfucked

TG: holy shit dude

TG: life aint whatever pornos youve been fapping over since you were old enough to pop your first boner

TG: like no im a real person and maybe i was eager and digging whatever weird shit i let you do to me because gasp like im into you or something

TG: imagine that wild ass concept

TG: also ho ho hoooo hm ok dude lets just take a dive right into all that other juicy shit shall we

TG: you assumed i was easy and therefore you had the green light to use me like your dads old fuckin fleshlight

EB: first of all? ew. and second of all, NO! IT’S NOT LIKE THAT! this is why i waited so long to talk to you because boy do you make it hard to have an actual conversation.

EB: i knew you’d be like this which is why i was avoiding you and look, if you want the honest to goodness truth you make me really nervous ok!

EB: it feels like no matter what i say it’s going to be wrong, and believe it or not i don’t want to hurt you! i care about you so much. you’re one of my favoritest people on the entire planet, dave.

TG: yeah well im pretty sure the ships already crossed the atlantic on the whole hurting me thing bro so dont even worry about it

EB: i’m sorry i let you down...

TG: dont be im totally sweet with whatevers happening right now

EB: ...

TG: ok so what now we just forget texas and go on being bros

TG: because i dunno man like if im being honest its kinda hard to look at you the same way when youve had your tongue in my butt and all

EB: wow dave. and yeah. yeah, ok? that is exactly what we do. and if you can’t do that or if it’s too weird for you well then maybe we should just take some time out.

TG: time out

EB: yeah. from talking. being friends? we’ll just tell the girls we had a stupid fight before i left. something normal like that.

EB: wait...

EB: you haven’t told them, have you? have you told anyone?

TG: er no because what happened between us was jesus i dont know fucking private but like

TG: i didnt know it was supposed to be an actual secret or anything

TG: is it

EB: holy shit YES of course it’s a fricking secret!

EB: rose and jade can never know about this. it’ll only make everything weird and they’ll probably think i’m gross so just NO, ok? i don’t want them knowing anything about this.

\-- turntechGodhead is now an idle chum [TG] -- 

EB: dave. DAVE. come back here and promise me you won’t tell.

TG: ok

TG: i wont tell

EB: so how are we going to do this?

TG: do what

TG: like stop being friends

TG: because please dont

TG: i can forget ok

TG: i wont be weird

TG: i swear

EB: you mean it?

TG: i mean it

EB: i’m so relieved to hear you say that because i’ve been so scared of losing you. i can’t wait to just get back to how things were and forget about all this weird stuff between us.

EB: listen, i’d better get to bed soon but can we just agree to like...never speak about this again? to anyone, especially each other. deal?

TG: deal

EB: i’ll talk to you in the am?

EB: later, dave!

TG: yeah

TG: later

\-- ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] -- 


	2. Chapter 2

\-- ectoBiologist[EB] unblocked turntechGodhead[TG] --

\-- ectoBiologist[EB] began pestering turntechGodhead[TG] --

EB: i can't stop thinking about you.

TG: wow

TG: way to break the centuries long silence john

TG: i take it im outta the doghouse

TG: dunno what i did to make you put me there again but its cool

TG: anyway

TG: 1) hi

TG: and 2) im just gonna go head and assume you mean that in a aw i miss ya bro kinda way

TG: and in that case

TG: im thinkin bout you too man 

TG: i miss talking 

TG: feels like we dont do a whole lotta that lately 

TG: in between your bouts of loaded silence and you blocking me indiscriminately any time that shit takes your fancy 

EB: i'm sorry about that. 

EB: my head is so messed up!

TG: ha

TG: geez man ya think

EB: i mean when it comes to you and me. our relationship. how i feel about you.

EB: i don't know how to feel. it's confusing. 

TG: oooh so were doing this again 

TG: awesome

TG: let me help

TG: you feel like youre not a homosexual 

TG: because you boned your best bro dave and now you cant look at him or talk to him without acting like youve got fuckin multiple personalities or some shit

TG: see

TG: not confusing 

TG: whats confusing is waking up and finding out youve blocked my ass again and not knowing why

TG: when the last thing i said to you was some innocent shit like gnight bro 

TG: or hmu tomorrow

TG: and not hearing from you for weeks

TG: being convinced ive done something wrong

TG: only for you to mozy on back weeks later like it never even happened 

TG: you know what

TG: maybe its daves turn to give the block button a lil workout

EB: dave! 

EB: wait.

EB: first, stop talking about yourself in the third person, ok? it's weird. second, i told you i was sorry about that. you didn't do anything wrong. i did. and three, don't you dare block me mister!! 

TG: why

TG: so you get the satisfaction of doing it first

TG: i know this game john 

EB: it's not a game! i miss you. i'm thinking about you. 

TG: jesus fuck egbert

TG: fine 

TG: i miss you too

TG: now lets get clear of this fuckin subject ok

TG: its gonna end about as well as a cactus up your asshole

TG: whats up with you anyway bro 

TG: cause its been a while

TG: your dad still bein weird? 

EB: i can't stop thinking about you.

TG: uh

TG: you said that

TG: youre thinking about me

TG: i think about you too

TG: we can drop it like its hot now

TG: hows your dumb school

TG: that girl from drama club still jonesing for your knob or what

EB: yeah, i think so. but i don't care. i only think about you.

TG: john im bout to throw my phone out the goddamn window i swear

TG: stop talking about this 

EB: ok. can we video chat?

TG: what

TG: no

TG: thats a bad idea 

EB: why? 

TG: you know why 

TG: it starts out fine and then you get all weird and horny and

TG: just no ok

TG: you only just unblocked me dude 

TG: were not goin down this road again

TG: you know you can pay girls to do that shit for you right

EB: what shit? 

TG: take off their clothes

TG: finger themselves for you on camera 

TG: or whatever other weird n nasty shit you ask em to do

EB: what the shit, dave, i don't want to do that! gross! 

TG: you spin me out dude 

TG: thats gross 

TG: thats weird

TG: but whatever the hell that was last time was totally normal right

EB: i didn't realize it was so bad for you the last time we video chatted...

EB: i thought you liked it. you looked like you were enjoying it.

TG: maybe i was

TG: until you stopped talking to me for a week 

EB: i’m sorry. i won't do that again. 

EB: we don't have to video chat...

TG: ok

TG: good

TG: cause its a bad idea

EB: can i just talk to you? 

TG: ...

TG: fine

EB: i miss sleeping with you.

TG: dude

EB: not even like that! i mean just laying next to you. putting my arms around you. holding you and smelling you. feels lonely here a lot.

TG: like you cant find someone else to snuggle with

TG: what bout that girl i just mentioned

EB: i don't have feelings for her. not like the feelings i have for you.

TG: uh

TG: you mean the ones you swore dont exist and made me promise wed never talk about again

TG: those ones?

EB: i miss the way your lips feel on mine. so soft and warm.

TG: jesus christ...

TG: imagine me slamming my head against the desk repeatedly

TG: thats whats happening right now

TG: thats what this feels like

EB: seriously dave can you stop overthinking it for just a second and at least try to get into it?  i'm pouring my heart out here.

TG: youre pourin something out but im not so sure its your heart

TG: are your pants on john 

EB: dude

TG: ok

TG: sorry

TG: sometimes i miss it too

TG: maybe

TG: in a way that wont get me blocked 

EB: :)

EB: what would you do to me if i was there with you right now?

TG: wow

TG: ok

TG: well i guess that answers my earlier question about your pants 

TG: and dude 

TG: no

TG: im not doing this 

TG: im not cybering with you

EB: you don't have to do anything you don't want to do. just let me do the talking. 

EB: one more question, though... what are you wearing? ;)

TG: serious risk of a key smash here

TG: what do you want to hear?

TG: im wearing nothing?

TG: just a fig leaf covering my precious modesty?

TG: does that do it for you

EB: mmm. i like those big t-shirts you wear to bed. the ones that cover your cute little ass but not all the way so you can still see a bit peeking out...

EB: had to wonder a few times if you were wearing that stuff on purpose to tease me.

TG: ...

EB: i can't stop thinking about undressing you. kissing your neck. the way you moan when someone touches your nipples.

EB: the first time i ever had you naked. how bad you wanted it. you were so hot and tight when i fucked you... you wanted it so bad you were crying!

TG: ...

TG: yeah

TG: about that

TG: listen

TG: i dont wanna spoil the like romantic vibe weve got goin on right now

TG: or do i

TG: anyway

TG: thats not why i was crying man 

TG: i know youve never taken it up the ass but lemme tell you that shit hurts like a bitch 

EB: oh

EB: i thought you liked it...

EB: you always wanted more.

TG: yeah cause it was you and i liked you

EB: i was so dumbass head over heels for you i woulda let you do anything you wanted to me

TG: i did let you do anything you wanted to me

TG: and i guess maybe sometimes after a while it feels kinda good 

TG: if you get the angle right

EB: did i get the angle right?

TG: sometimes yeah

EB: next time i’ll get the angle right all the time. i promise. just throw your legs over my shoulders and pound you so good you’ll scream and beg me for it.

TG: next time huh

EB: when i close my eyes all i think about is you laying on the bed. naked. staring up at me. legs spread.

TG: john 

TG: cmon man

EB: and you're biting your lip. and they're still all wet and red and puffy from sucking my dick. and i've got one finger in your ass and you're jerking me off.

EB: just looking at me

EB: and i cum all over your face, your lips.

EB: damn it.

EB: you don't know how sexy you are. how bad you make me want you.

EB: so hot.

EB: do you remember that night dave?

TG: yeah

TG: i remember

TG: we had to wait til my bro went to sleep it was like 2am

TG: and even then i was shittin it about making any noise

TG: i dont even wanna think about what woulda happened if hed caught us together

TG: wed probably both be dead right now

TG: probably

\-- ectoBiologist[EB] is now an idle chum! --

TG: john

TG: john

TG: great

TG: i guess youve gone to clean up or whatever 

TG: or youre just gone

TG: but i hope you read our chat back later and it jumps out at you how many times i said no to all this shit

TG: i didnt make you do this again

TG: just wanna slide that out on the table

TG: so dont shut me out ok

TG: anyway

TG: i miss you 

TG: maybe next time we can just 

TG: talk

TG: for real

TG: or whatever

TG: night dude

\-- turntechGodhead[EB] ceased pestering ectoBiologist[TG] --


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please read the updated tags. Things get pretty nasty from this point on.

\-- ectoBiologist[EB] began pestering turntechGodhead[TG] --

EB: hey dave

TG: sup

EB: so i got to talking to rose earlier.

TG: oh

TG: awesome

TG: yknow thats always my idea of a fuckin rad time

EB: yeah. it wasn’t though.

TG: why

TG: wait

TG: you let her root around in that twisted lil head a yours again didnt you

TG: dude i told you

TG: that shit is pretty much always a terrible fuckin idea

TG: youll always come outta that way worse than you went in

EB: no. it isn’t that.

EB: she told me you met a boy.

\-- turntechGodhead[TG] is now an idle chum --

EB: i take it you don't want to talk to me about this.

EB: i understand that, i do! i'll just keep typing and you can read it whenever, ok?

EB: i don’t even know where to start.

EB: i haven't treated you well. i know that now. when we met in person i took everything too far. i did things to you that you weren't ready for and i'll always be sorry i didn't take my time with you.

EB: i was impatient. i was pushy. i should have realized i was hurting you the first time we had sex. 

EB: i took advantage of your big gay homo crush on me because i just wanted to fuck something other than my hand.

EB: and i guess i just knew you’d do anything i asked. i knew it was wrong the whole time. it’s really messed up.

EB: and then i got home and freaked and messed with your head even more.

EB: so now our friendship is pretty much dead because of me and i'll have to learn to accept that. even though it really fucking hurts!!

EB: i have to say, though...it totally kills me that you didn't tell me you met somebody.

EB: maybe that’s unfair considering i have, like, zero right to see you as mine anymore. maybe you never really were.

TG: no

TG: im not

TG: i mean i cant be

TG: not anymore

EB: dave?

TG: im here

TG: i cant bc when i was its like you took the way i fuckin worshipped you and used it to batter the living shit out of me until there was nothing left

TG: while i waited for you to wake up to yourself and realize hey you love me and its not the end of the fuckin world if you and i are together and our friends know about it

TG: but you dont 

TG: love me i mean

TG: or wanna be with me

TG: you never did

TG: and thats ok

TG: but i gotta move on from this bro 

TG: i didnt tell you about him cause i was scared 

TG: you make me nervous too

TG: when i think about you its like my guts start twistin up like fuckin balloon animals and i wanna hurl

EB: i hate that.

EB: don't be nervous. this conversation is really hard for me too!

EB: i knew this would happen eventually. most likely. i guess i was just holding out hope you'd be stuck on me forever... 

EB: believe me i know how selfish that sounds.

\-- turntechGodhead[TG] is now an idle chum --

\-- ectoBiologist[EB] is now an idle chum --

EB: can you tell me a bit about him? this guy.

TG: why john

EB: i'm just curious about him.

TG: yeah

TG: ok

TG: well hes our age 

TG: hes really cool

TG: bit shouty but sweet 

TG: likes dumb movies kinda like you

TG: we met through friends 

EB: oh. friends. do i know these friends?

TG: no

TG: i dunno if youve noticed dude but we kinda havent talked in a while

TG: i wasnt sure what you knew or if rose had told you something and you just werent saying

TG: youre like that sometimes

TG: anyway i got a job in some janky lil record store downtown

TG: thats how we met 

EB: ok.

EB: so you have a new job. your first job, right? and new friends. and this is the first i’m hearing about any of it. makes me feel awesome!

TG: hey

TG: you coulda talked to me any time

TG: i wasnt hiding

TG: i wasnt avoiding YOU

TG: you coulda picked up the phone or something too

TG: youve had my number for like as long as youve known me man

EB: yeah. it’s my fault. everything is my fault.

EB: but tell me more about him. what's he like?

EB: is he your type, dave? 

TG: my type? 

EB: yeah. i mean you have a type, right?

TG: not that im aware of but it kinda sounds like you think i do

TG: so go on enlighten me

EB: you do have a type dave. i mean, it’s guys who keep you at arm's length, right? guys like me.

EB: like your bro.

TG: shit

TG: well ok

TG: whos playing junior psychologist now fuckface

TG: i guess the gloves are off huh

TG: cause you seem a lil upset dude

EB: does he fuck you? 

TG: yeah so im not talking about this with you ever

EB: why not? i want to know if he fucks you. have you done everything with him that you did with me?

EB: like does he wrap it up or do you just let him blow his load inside you?

EB: because you let me do that. i came inside you. felt pretty special at the time but maybe i’m not so special after all, right dave?

EB: was i even the first or do you just let any boy do that to you?

EB: i know you told me you were a virgin but you seem pretty eager to just open your legs again for the first guy other than me who pays attention to you.

EB: do you suck his dick too? 

EB: wait actually please don't answer that. 

EB: i can't even think about it without wanting to puke!!

EB: i can't think about you with another dude’s dick in your mouth. him dribbling his nasty jizz all over you. it's DISGUSTING.

TG: ok so dont think about it

TG: like are you done or

EB: oh. so you're admitting it. he fucks you and you choke on his dick. 

TG: i said dont think about it if it makes you wanna puke

TG: im not validating any of your psycho fantasies about me john

EB: i’m sorry...

TG: come again 

EB: for the things i just said. i'm so out of line, i know i am!! this just hurts a lot, ok? i've lost my best friend and now i’m losing my fricking mind.

TG: yeah well that shit tends to happen when your sure bet aint so sure anymore

EB: what does that mean?

TG: thats what i am to you right 

TG: a sure thing 

TG: you had me right where you wanted me 

TG: like you say jump i say how high?

TG: everything was on your terms 

TG: when we did or didnt talk to each other

TG: and if you didnt wanna talk i was out in the cold for however long it took for you to want me to help you cum again 

TG: then itd all start over 

TG: your sure bet is maybe kinda finally starting to get over you and youre completely losing your shit over it

TG: figures

TG: and roses birthday is in a few weeks 

TG: you wanted to see me right 

EB: of course!! all i want is to see you.

TG: why so you can play with me 

TG: bone me again then throw me away the second you hop off the plane

EB: no!! it would've been different this time. i'm not going to lie to you and say i don't think about you that way, that i don’t want to fuck you. i do. but i want other things too. i want to be the one who kisses you and holds you in my arms while you fall asleep. that’s what i want. to be with you.

TG: that sounds real sweet

TG: and also like total bullshit

TG: cause any time i tried to get close to you in that way

TG: ask you where we were going

TG: you shut me tf down

TG: i mean would you hold my hand in front of them

TG: would you tell your dad about me

TG: yeah thats what i thought 

TG: im yours when im your secret and no one else knows

TG: the thing youre most ashamed of

TG: i dont wanna be that anymore

\-- ectoBiologist[EB] is now an idle chum --

EB: so roses birthday. you’re bringing this guy?

TG: idk

TG: i mean yeah 

TG: probably

TG: because were actually yknow dating

TG: and hes not ashamed of me

TG: i gotta say

TG: its real nice not being someones dirty fuckin secret for a change

EB: how can you say that? you are so much more to me than that.

EB: you’ve been in my life since i was eight years old. 

EB: we lost our virginity together.

EB: i love you dave...

TG: if theres one thing i kinda get through my skull now its that you dont treat ppl you love like that 

TG: youre confused

TG: and its probably best if we just dont talk to each other until you figure some shit out

TG: cause were mad unhealthy dude 

TG: if its too weird on roses birthday i just wont come

TG: ill cry stomach flu or some shit

EB: she’ll know you're lying. she always does. and no, come. i want to meet this guy.

TG: our friends bday party is not the time or place to have some sick meltdown over our not relationship dude 

TG: or a dick swinging contest with my new boyfriend

EB: oh. so he's your boyfriend. we're calling him that now. great! 

EB: and who said anything about a meltdown? i just want to meet him. bring him. you guys can share the room and he can fuck you while i sleep on the couch and try not to throw up. 

TG: it didnt have to be this way

TG: ive been in love with you since we were little kids

TG: you knew that

TG: i never looked at other guys and you still didnt want me 

TG: you dont get to decide you do when someone else does

EB: i hear you. that's fair enough. can i ask you one thing, though?

TG: well i know youre gonna anyway so yeah shoot lets hear it

EB: does he know about me?

EB: dave?

TG: no

EB: why not?

EB: i guess you’re just as ashamed of me as you think i am of you.

TG: yeah im ashamed

TG: of myself

TG: for lettin us go on the way we did

TG: that shits embarrassing

TG: the way i let you treat me

TG: so no

TG: i didnt tell him

EB: but doesn’t he deserve to know? i mean, he should know what you’re really like...

TG: look

TG: i know youre just trying to fuck with my head right now john cause youre all butthurt and a fuckin spoiled brat and this is what you do when you dont get your way with someone

TG: but i gotta tell ya

TG: you should tread real careful right now

TG: cause if thats a threat

TG: two can play at that game dude

EB: what the hell is that supposed to mean?

TG: you know what it means

TG: you wanna start spillin secrets

TG: theres a whole buncha ppl we know whod be real interested in our history

TG: chatlogs dont lie bro

\-- ectoBiologist[EB] blocked turntechGodhead[TG] --

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not sure if there'll be more at this point but I won't rule it out. I might need to write some sweet John/Dave because I actually adore John. <3


End file.
